i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
Randomize
