12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
I think I won the penis lottery.
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
Randomize
