Don't you send me to vm
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
Randomize
