Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
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