You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
Randomize
