I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
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