I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
you inspire me to be a worse person
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
Randomize
