that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
Randomize
