So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
Why is there bacon in the couch?
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
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