I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
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