Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
Randomize
