Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
Randomize
