Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
Randomize
