you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
Randomize
