Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
Randomize
