Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
What drink are we having for lunch?
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
Woke up backwards on a recliner
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
Why did my mother make you get naked?
Randomize
