it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Randomize
