True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
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