i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
Randomize
