she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
i used baking grease as lip gloss
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
Randomize
