you guys were way drunker than both of me
I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
Randomize
