If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
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