you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
