i jhust puked up my retainher.
I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
Randomize
