My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
Randomize
