Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
that place is a roofie-colada waiting to happen
i'm ok with that.. with the right DD it's just a cheaper drunk.. it's the economy, stupid
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
Randomize
