i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
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