He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
Randomize
