Old men and throwing up are my life now.
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
She has the best kind of daddy issues
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
