My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
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