i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
Randomize
