I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
Randomize
