I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
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