His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
Randomize
