Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
Randomize
