1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
Randomize
