Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
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