May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
