We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
Randomize
