i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
Sex in the backyard? Check.
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
