um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
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