Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
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