Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
Randomize
