Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
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