Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
Randomize
