I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
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