2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
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