its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
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