He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
Randomize
