the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
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