No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
We have so much sex to catch up on
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
Randomize
